NEXT LYRIC CONTEST DEADLINE

JUNE 30, 2010

Lyricists! Here’s your chance to shine!
Enter The Dallas Songwriters
Quarterly Lyric Contest

Entry fee is $10 per lyric.

Quarterly Entry Deadlines:
Winter - March 31
Spring - June 30
Summer - September 30
Fall - December 31


PRIZES TO BE AWARDED
Of course the MAIN prize is what we ALL aspire to:
RECOGNITION FOR OUR LYRICAL WORK!
ALSO: The 1st place winning lyricist receives $50 cash.

The 1st, 2nd, 3rd place winner's lyrics and judges critiques
will be published in the DSA “Songwriters Notes”
and on the DSA Website

WINTER10 CONTEST Closed - entries being judged

Fall 2009 Lyric Contest Winners

A HUGE THANKS to Nancy Rynders, who has been our Lyric Contest Director for the past few years.

FIRST PLACE

WHEN LAMBS BECOME LIONS by John Thomas Lane
This is a unique song but it is a little too long. I understood that lambs represented children and lions were soldiers and I thought it was a good hook and powerful song. I will critique as I type the lyrics.

VERSE 1
From bunker hill to the cradle waters
Heroes we know as our sons and daughters
Stand up and answer the call
Knowing one day they may make that wall (most people won't get this line. Better to say "could fall")

PRE-CHORUS (I think)
Born in the heat of liberty's flame
Cut from the cloth with a sacred name
A backyard war stops being a game

When lambs become lions
When lambs become lions
When lambs become lions

CHORUS
Chasing ghosts across broken land
On rolling seas and desert sand
Across angry skies and fields of ice
Honor, glory and sacrifice
Lions pay freedom's highest price
Heaven's gates will open wide (leave this line out)
And a chorus of angels lead them inside (leave this line out ..."Lions pay" line is more powerful)

VERSE 2
(I would leave this entire verse out. It is too poetic and vague)
Whispers remind us loud and clear
Of missions so far and yet so near
And the dove in her silent flight
Hold the olive branch in sight
(I would replace it with something like this)
The thunder of weapons makes a haunting sound
Echos of swift and terrible power
Smoke and fire drift across the ground
The cost of freedom's finest hour

VERSE 3
(I would also leave this verse out. The meters don't match and it adds nothing to the song)
But every mama knows
Rockets will paint the night
And every mama cries
When a blood red sky steals the light

PRE-CHORUS
Born in the heat of liberty's flame
Cut from the cloth with a sacred name
A backyard war stops being a game

When lambs become lions
When lambs become lions
When lambs become lions

REPEAT CHORUS

VERSE 4
(I already changed and used part of this verse for verse 2 or write a different verse)
Smoke drifts across hallowed ground
Echos of swift and terrible power
That's the haunting sound
Of freedom's finest hour

VERSE 5
(I would leave this verse out. Let them keep fighting...not die)
In a gentle rain shower
A bugler plays taps
Flags are folded in laps
Guns are still at last

TAG
(This is good)
And eagles spread their wings
Bells of freedom ring
A grateful nation cries
Honor, glory and sacrifice
Lions are freedom's highest price

(I'm not sure you need more lines)
And we sleep free at night
The land of the free tonight
We are free tonight
We are free (a lot of "frees")

When lambs become lions
When lambs become lions
When lambs become lions


SECOND PLACE

THE KNOCK by Charles David Risinger
(This is a cute country song)

VERSE 1
One of these days there'll be a knock on the door
When everybody wonders what went wrong
They're gonna find me and the (my) wife and kids
Have just (leave out just) left everything and gone

VERSE 2
The mailbox will be covered over with mail
And there'll be papers all over the drive
They're gonna think me and the family
Just disappeared or died

CHORUS
(The chorus is weak because it isn't realistic. Nobody goes without electricity or phones in today's day. Also, you need to use the song title somewhere in your chorus.)
We'll be living high on the hog
In a log cabin way up in the hills
Candles gonna light our home
Electric company won't be sending no more bills
There won't be no telephone
The only bell you'll hear
Will be around the neck of my milk cow, Bessie
Every time she's near
(My version)
We found a simpler life
Cut out all the frills
Built a log cabin
High in the hills
Bought some cows and chickens, too
Gonna eat the veggies that we grew
So don't come knocking on my door
'Cause we're not there anymore

VERSE 3
(You don't need this verse. They would have a clock)
We'll be livin' on a mountain top
Where shadows from the sun are the only clock
But it won't matter if it's day or night
On the river bank where the catfish bite

VERSE 4
( You have a different rhyme scheme in verse 3 & 4 than you do in verse 2 & 3. The rhyme scheme should be the same in all the verses)
Won't be any noise from the interstate
Just the subtle sound that a hoot owl makes
Won't be any rush hour stop and go
But we'll be walking bare footed down an old dirt road
(My version)
We don't miss the rushing of life's fast pace
Or the congested, noisy interstate
Sipping a cold one on our front porch
Listening for the sound a hoot owl makes

REPEAT CHORUS

HONORABLE MENTION

FROM A DISTANCE by Akin Akintola
This is a well written song with some very good lines. Don't know if the subject matter would be commercial but I'm sure many women could identify with this song. I do think you have too many verses..3 or 4 are enough plus a long chorus.

NEXT LYRIC CONTEST DEADLINE

MARCH 31, 2010

Lyricists! Here’s your chance to shine!
Enter The Dallas Songwriters
Quarterly Lyric Contest

Entry fee is $10 per lyric.

Quarterly Entry Deadlines:
Winter - March 31
Spring - June 30
Summer - September 30
Fall - December 31


PRIZES TO BE AWARDED
Of course the MAIN prize is what we ALL aspire to:
RECOGNITION FOR OUR LYRICAL WORK!
ALSO: The 1st place winning lyricist receives $50 cash.

The 1st, 2nd, 3rd place winner's lyrics and judges critiques
will be published in the DSA “Songwriters Notes”
and on the DSA Website

FALL09 CONTEST Closed - entries being judged

SUMMER 2009 WINNERS

A HUGE THANKS to Nancy Rynders, who has been our Lyric Contest Director for the past few years.

FIRST PLACE

The song structure was good but I felt the content of the song was bland and generic.
Since there are thousands of love songs written, a song really needs to have a 'fresh approach" to become commercial. I'll critique as I write.

YOU WOULD LOVE ME SO RIGHT by Andre Kerek Here is a link to the complete song with melody posted on Broadjam.com Once your on the page you'll need to click on the song title. http://www.broadjam.com/artists/songs.php?artistID=30620#

VERSE 1
You know my mood when we touch
And read my mind way too much
I can't see how it would be
If you weren't here to live with me

CHORUS
Who would I find who is sincere
Someone who would always be here
Keeping me warm into the night
Who would love me so right
You would love me so right

VERSE 2
When times get tough and seem the worst
And I need help, you're there first
You make me lie down next to you (You're next to me when things go wrong)
And bring me up with all that you do (Cause your love for me is so strong)

REPEAT CHORUS

VERSE 3 (I would leave this verse out because it says nothing new)
When I'm in pain, you have the cure
And know how much I can endure
You lead me to the right path
So I won't catch somebody's wrath

REPEAT CHORUS

VERSE 4
Looking back thru all the years
We had good times and some tears
This may not sound like a big deal (Just want you to know how I feel)
Just wanted you to know how I feel (Cause to me it is a big deal)

REPEAT CHORUS


SECOND PLACE

CINDERELLA NOT AT ALL by Paul Zander

(I chose this song because of it's catchy title. It could be a good song if written with more conversational lines and less vagueness)

CINDERELLA NOT AT ALL

VERSE 1
She's got some magic and she's more than able
To mesmerize and break your certain gaze
He thinks of love in rhyme and storied fables
From his collective and unconscious days

MY VERSION
She was his Cinderella on their wedding day
But marriage is not a fairy tale
His expectations of her were too high
When he lifted her bridal veil

CHORUS (I would switch the 3 line chorus, putting the "She's a woman" chorus at the top)
(Put this at bottom)
She's not some pretty maiden
No Galatea waiting
She was born to rise and fall (find a better line)

(Put at top)
She's a woman
She's just a woman
Cinderella not at all

VERSE 2
Between the battles and that sweet devotion
Sometimes love feels just like a twice-told tale
Can she survive these Grimm and fabled notions
Can she remain the Princess underneath that bridal veil

MY VERSION
Sometimes the glass slipper doesn't fit
And the magic spell is broken
Between her and her Prince Charming
When hurtful words are spoken

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE? (A bridge is usually not 7 lines long. Why not have a 2 line bridge and a 4th verse)
She wants to be his muse
But she don't know what to do
And she has her own tale to be told
Then something quite alarming
He used to be Prince Charming
Now that spell is broken
Cast down by words unspoken
(I'm sorry, but this bridge made no sense to me whatsoever. What's her problem and what did he do?
I thought this song was about his high expectations of her and she couldn't live up to them. Be specific!)

REPEAT CHORUS

HONORABLE MENTION

EVERYTHING AND YOUby Andre Kerek
This is a well written song but so sad. There was another song written on the same subject a few years ago. I just remember in the chorus it said I'll go sky diving.