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Judges Comments |
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I'm putting my comments in parenthesis. |
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The Loneliest Lonely Verse 1 Bustling sidewalks, the reason is clear Holiday shoppers, the season is here Arms full of packages, hearts full of cheer As the snow starts to fall through the air Here I am dreaming, an ocean apart Warm cards and letters tear into my heart Wond'ring how Santa could let Christmas start Without first making sure I was there (I want to know why he/she isn't there. Perhaps he/she is a soldier in the Middle East. That would make a good story) Chorus Oh, the loneliest lonely is being away At the (this) time of year only Saint Nicholas (Santa..it's more singable) should stray And I feel just as far as the Bethlehem star When I'm not there to share Christmas day Verse 2 (I would leave this verse out because it makes the song too long) A stocking for certain with my name attached Missing some candy, a child yet to catch (not conversational) Look for the crook with the chocolate mustache And you'll find an angel instead Family members arrive from the cold Warm-hearted greetings, a sight to behold Peeling off layers, the fire's burning bold I can picture it all in my head Repeat Chorus Verse 3 Caroling children, engaged in a song Everyone gathers to all sing along Sooner than later, out appetites strong (Appetites are growing, it won't be long) Let the Holiday dinner bell ring Warm buttered muffins with cranberry jam Overstuffed turkeys, a honey-cured ham Salads and legumes(veggies) and sweet candied yams It's a Christmas feast fit for a king Repeat Chorus Verse 4 or Bridge Then by the tree, once that dinner is done Opening presents, the magic's begun Four generations behaving as one (That's a lot of generations ) As the spirit of Christmas prevails (I think this last verse or bridge should say something about how he can picture it but he wishes he was there to join in the festivities. Make this song more personal...not just a review of what families do at Christmas. The images are good, but you need to insert the singer in these images...like how much he misses Mom's pecan pie, hugs as warm as the fire, Uncle Ed's corny jokes, etc. In other words, personalize it.) |
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